Happy Birthday to me, Happy birthday to me :)
I'm eighteeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen!

:) x

I NEEEEEEEEEEEEED A JOB!
It really depresses me that i've hardly been able to buy any presents this year.
But never mind.
I turn 18 in exactly 8 days! How exciting is that!?
Legally allowed to do every single thing. EXCEPT hiring a car, and since i can't drive, that isn't much of an issue just now.

So... that's the end of school for me.
I feel like i should be more upset than I am.
Obviously i'm hugely disappointed in myself and i know it's gonna be crazy hard to get a job at the minute.
I just can't find it in myself to be upset about it, because i hope it's gonna be the thing that gets me out of this house.
The only thing i'm really upset about is that it's disappointing my parents. AND that my sisters, who are nowhere near as clever as i am!
GRRR!

x

I've had a very nice day. Did lots of family type things with the mother and managed to be civil and good. Walked the woofies and decorated the tree and shit. It was good :)

I'm really loving my music at the minute. Top things just now are:
- Mumford and sons
- The Xx
- Ellie Goulding
- Biffy Clyro
- And the new Rihanna song which is really awesome and a bit bond themey

:)

You desired my attention but denied my affections

I haven't slept.
I'm angry and sad.
I don't know what to do with myself.
It's fucking freezing and I don't want to go to school.
Maybe i should tell them what's going on? At the minute I'm pretty sure they just think I'm going mad or I'm depressed or something.
Maybe I am.
Who knows?
Sure as hell not me.

My mums gone away for 2 days and I'm really fucked off.
Not at her, at myself for being incapable of telling her what's going on in my head. What no one seems to understand is that i honestly don't know most of the time.

All I want is a good Mummy hug. Is that too much to ask for?

So i'm just going to level this out in my mind for a minute.
I don't think anyone knows what's happening with me atm. I don't really myself. But here are the basics.

-I'm failing at school, but not just because i'm a lazy tard, because of all the shit that's happening at home that no one really knows about.

- My mum kicked me out. Although she claims i chose to leave.

- I'm staying with my dad but it's just confusing me. He's all nice and understanding when he's sober. But the thing is whenever he comes in from the pub (which is like 4 times a week) he just goes crazy. I honestly can't take it anymore. Tonight he smacked me, like not proper hard but he's NEVER done that before. And the other day he threw a massive bottle of coins at me. Its getting to the point where i'm actually scared of him, that's not right.

- My mum is being all cryptic and being like 'it's complicated' about whether or not i can come home. If she doesn't want me there i wish she'd just say. But i haven't told her anything about my dad.

- I'm seriously tempted to drop out of school, get a job and move into my own place.

- My friendships are suffering because im not talking about it, at least i think thats the problem, it might just be me. I dont really know.

Fuck. What do i do now?

I'm all irrationally stressy.
I'm so tired of this middle ground and i just wish we could make our minds up. Stop dancing around what the real issue is. And i'm pretty sure it isnt me.

So actually, i've come to the conclusion im not being irrational at all. Its your fucking fault. So sort it out before you talk to me again. Maybe i should tell you this though.


But tbh i know im not brave enough.

I just read something that completely changed the way i look at my life.

I have no reason to whine or bitch or moan about anything. Especially not at the moment.

I'm going to have an epicly amazing next five days. I have a second chance to do well at school, i have amazing friends and my parents love me, despite me being a complete bitch to them all the time. I will stop complaining right now. Promise.

xx

All i need is some kind of gravity

I can't sleep even though i'm ridiculously tired. I hate it when that happens.

So to cheer myself up i shall write a nice long rambley blog post which you probably won't appreciate at all (y)

I've had a nice relaxing week after coming back from india. It's odd, i have no urge to talk about the trip, other than to say i miss it lots and lots. But it's all about the looking forward now :)

Reading festival this week, which i have been excited about for months and months and months and years. My highlights will be: MO, Little Boots, Flo and the Mach, Placebo, The blackout (with emily) , Brand New (with Ella woohoo), 3OH!3 ( with my stepsister emma), Yeah yeah yeahs and Lady sovereign ((of course) with sophie XD) Yeah so it shall be a bit wonderful and i fully intend to do as much crazy shit as possible.

Aaaaafter reading fest school starts again. And for me it literally starts again, because i'm an epic failure who should be getting As but instead got a C, 2 Ds and a U because she didnt work even nearly hard enough. But nevermind, Do-over :D

I shall leave this post on some nice pictures and things:

I have a new follower :)

Sorry i havent posted in yonks im in india. But i'll be back in 6 days so then i'll start again.

byee

The sound, What a cheap trick, What a habit.

I can't sleep.

I'm worrying about lots of things.

India in 5 days OMG, thats too scary to even think about.

It's entiely possible that i'm going to get kicked out of school, which isnt really surprising. But i dont want to have to worry about starting somewhere new with loads of people i dont know. I'm not very good at the whole meeting new people thing. Or at least i don't think i am. I havent had to do it since i started secondary school, so maybe i'm better than i think i am, but still.

I don't want to leave all my friends because i'm terrified that we'll grow apart and not speak much. I think that would make me the most sad out of anything i can think of in the world.

Christ i ramble lots when i'm scared :/ sorry.

My mother is SO angry at me, which again, is not surprising. I'm angry at me too.

I had a party friday night which was very fun. I had very fun times with cat, but when it was just us she was very sad, and i dont like it. But she did really well. (I'm saying this so you know it Cat, cos i was really proud of you, i dont like sounding like a mother so sorry if i do, but WHOO, you did good (y) cos i know it was really hard)

I hold an image of the ashtray girl, by the cigarette burns on my chest.

I know i should be more open on this thing.

It annoys me because that was the whole point of it in the first place, and now its just all pointless and cryptic and only i understand what the hell im talking about.

Tis silly.

So i shall just say the 5 overwhelming feelings i have right now are:

1. Anger at myself for being such a lazy fucktard.


2. Doubt about whether i did the right thing with alex :/ Though it comes in waves and i'm faaairly sure i did.


3. Excitement about MO and reading and 3OH!3


4. Shit scaredness about my exam results and India


5. Impatience about being 18...

See i was planning on ^ that being all heartfelt and shit. But its just another annoying list.

I dont like not being able to communicate well..

First post in freaking ages, wish i had something interesting to write.
But i don't. So instead i shall post a poem.
Which i apologise for ....


Gentle whispers to the wrong ears
Because the right don't want
To Hear it
To Hear
You mean little to them
Though they say you're the world
Insult or compliment
Who can really tell?

x

Oh love won't you come and take me, away from here

I'm Home :) Which is very wonderful. And since she told me she found my blog i shall take a few seconds to thank the sarah child for keeping me sane (as much as is possible) the last few days.

Also, I'm not really going to go into speicifics, but i have lots of irritatingly deep things buzzing around me head that i dont really know how to begin talking about. Which is really annoying because for once i actually do want to talk about them. I just feel VERY incapable of doing so without creating lots of horrid awkwardness. I want to avoid the shitty times that will occur if i say them out loud. BUT....
Its all very gay.

I'm gonna go write some very scary, emotional poetry that no one will ever read (y) Maybe that will help, but i doubt it. Shit.

:(

I might actually jump out of a window quite soon. I'm on a stupid biology field course in totnes (middle of nowhere in the west country). That in itself would be quite nice except for the fact that everyone here is irritating the fuck out of me.
But yeah, i could really do with some love cos i might actually cry soon.
Love you guys x

Particularly special msn conversation :/

my room has a very strange smell of coffee wine and insense

Charlotte - - - Suffer fate cos its all the lift you've got - - - says:

SINGLE 30 YEAR OLD WOMAN SMELLS

LOL

Ellalala take this sinking boat and point it home says:

hahahaha

no it smells nice but peculiar

Charlotte - - - Suffer fate cos its all the lift you've got - - - says:

i bet

Ellalala take this sinking boat and point it home says:

i dont want to smell of a 30 year old

Charlotte - - - Suffer fate cos its all the lift you've got - - - says:

im joking

just reminded me of bridget jones lol

Ellalala take this sinking boat and point it home says:

hahaha aw i love bridget jones so much

Charlotte - - - Suffer fate cos its all the lift you've got - - - says:

me too

Ellalala take this sinking boat and point it home says:

oh god though

coffee wine and incense

thats my future summed up

haha

Charlotte - - - Suffer fate cos its all the lift you've got - - - says:

noooo it isnt

therell be some other things in there too

Ellalala take this sinking boat and point it home says:

haha i wouldnt mind it

coffee and wine is good and paper is just dandy

Charlotte - - - Suffer fate cos its all the lift you've got - - - says:

i really want a glass of wine right now

Ellalala take this sinking boat and point it home says:

i love wine so much

we should get our own stock up for relaxing times

oh god we're gunna be such alcoholics.

Charlotte - - - Suffer fate cos its all the lift you've got - - - says:

indeed

my mums like a hawk with wine though

its a bit scary

Ellalala take this sinking boat and point it home says:

its ok in a few months youll be able to buy your own

Charlotte - - - Suffer fate cos its all the lift you've got - - - says:

ah shit

thats so weird

6 months

Ellalala take this sinking boat and point it home says:

omg

half a year to we all get ruined by alcohol

Charlotte - - - Suffer fate cos its all the lift you've got - - - says:

it feels like 2 days ago i was saying a year

Ellalala take this sinking boat and point it home says:

whooo.

Charlotte - - - Suffer fate cos its all the lift you've got - - - says:

thats strange

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Ellalala take this sinking boat and point it home says:

hahaha

omg thats MENTAL

its been 6 months til our shopping trip to london

Charlotte - - - Suffer fate cos its all the lift you've got - - - says:

thats ridiculously strange

Ellalala take this sinking boat and point it home says:

6 months! the fact these years are going to quick is actually really frightening

Charlotte - - - Suffer fate cos its all the lift you've got - - - says:

i know

Ellalala take this sinking boat and point it home says:

is that how life happens?

Charlotte - - - Suffer fate cos its all the lift you've got - - - says:

thats like 140th of our life probably

Ellalala take this sinking boat and point it home says:

is it like OH SHIT IM 43

Charlotte - - - Suffer fate cos its all the lift you've got - - - says:

my dad always says he still doesnt know what he wants to be when he grows up

it is gonna be like that isnt it

Ellalala take this sinking boat and point it home says:

haha oh wow

Charlotte - - - Suffer fate cos its all the lift you've got - - - says:

are you having a bit of a breakdown or is it just me?

Ellalala take this sinking boat and point it home says:

no i really am

im like freaking out a bit

i was talking to laura friday night and we were like

Charlotte - - - Suffer fate cos its all the lift you've got - - - says:

im actually scared

Ellalala take this sinking boat and point it home says:

what the fuck is going to happen to us

Charlotte - - - Suffer fate cos its all the lift you've got - - - says:

im probably about 1/4 the way throught my life

thats really unfunny

we are going to become actual hobos :\

Ellalala take this sinking boat and point it home says:

oh god dont

im actually going to fail at life

and i know everyone says that

but i really think its true

Charlotte - - - Suffer fate cos its all the lift you've got - - - says:

i completely agree with you

not about you, about me

Ellalala take this sinking boat and point it home says:

i dont have any ambition or motivation and ill just coast along life and get a job in some shop for 40 years and live off minimum wage and ill be like LOL SHIT IM 60

Charlotte - - - Suffer fate cos its all the lift you've got - - - says:

and it worries me that i cant even muster up the energy to care but on these short outbursts

Ellalala take this sinking boat and point it home says:

and omg ill have like 6 kids and have an unhappy marriage and everything will just be shit

or ill just be alone living with cats and mice

Charlotte - - - Suffer fate cos its all the lift you've got - - - says:

its alright though

Ellalala take this sinking boat and point it home says:

either way

itll be a bit shit.

Charlotte - - - Suffer fate cos its all the lift you've got - - - says:

cos me and laura will still be buzzing around

Ellalala take this sinking boat and point it home says:

omg im gunna be the friend who failed at life

Charlotte - - - Suffer fate cos its all the lift you've got - - - says:

omg this is so depressing

this is not going to happen

you really arent

Ellalala take this sinking boat and point it home says:

ill be the one who people are like "aww, its such a shame, she had so much potential"

"too bad she was a fucking waistoid"

Charlotte - - - Suffer fate cos its all the lift you've got - - - says:

i am going to be just as shockingly bad

Ellalala take this sinking boat and point it home says:

HAHA

Charlotte - - - Suffer fate cos its all the lift you've got - - - says:

trust me

i cant do anything for myself

oh god we are gonna really suck

Ellalala take this sinking boat and point it home says:

i know

i dont what would be worse

Charlotte - - - Suffer fate cos its all the lift you've got - - - says:

we'll be fine though cos we'll be just like we are now

and not even care that we suck so bad

Ellalala take this sinking boat and point it home says:

i do care though

thats the thing

Charlotte - - - Suffer fate cos its all the lift you've got - - - says:

i half do, but only at times like this

i think i subconsciously suppress it or something

Ellalala take this sinking boat and point it home says:

i just see me being such a failure in the future

like i really really do

im gunna be such a wreck

Charlotte - - - Suffer fate cos its all the lift you've got - - - says:

we'll be fine

Ellalala take this sinking boat and point it home says:

i wont have a good job or love life or house or enough money and i wont have travelled and ill be pissed all the time and have friends who are all potheads and ill be living in a squat

Charlotte - - - Suffer fate cos its all the lift you've got - - - says:

you know thats not gonna happen

Ellalala take this sinking boat and point it home says:

hahaha no i know but it was quite amusing to imagine (and also horrorifying)

Charlotte - - - Suffer fate cos its all the lift you've got - - - says:

cos for one thing the most successful of us wont let that happen

/we'll be living with you

eek

Ellalala take this sinking boat and point it home says:

hahahhaa

omg i love you for the last bit hahaha

Charlotte - - - Suffer fate cos its all the lift you've got - - - says:

ih dear

Ellalala take this sinking boat and point it home says:

shit though

i really cannot picture myself happily married

or in a job that im happy in

Charlotte - - - Suffer fate cos its all the lift you've got - - - says:

me either at all

i get bored so easily

Ellalala take this sinking boat and point it home says:

it just doesnt fit with who we are

ahh i know i know

Charlotte - - - Suffer fate cos its all the lift you've got - - - says:

i keep forgetting harriet and sarah are coming to india

makes me smile everytime i remember

Ellalala take this sinking boat and point it home says:

LOL OMG ALL THIS CONVERSATION STARTED FROM MY ROOM SMELLING WEIRD

Charlotte - - - Suffer fate cos its all the lift you've got - - - says:

HAHAHAHAHAHA

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ellalala take this sinking boat and point it home says:

hahahahhahahaa

Charlotte - - - Suffer fate cos its all the lift you've got - - - says:

we just had a nervous breakdown over room scents

Ellalala take this sinking boat and point it home says:

LOLOLOL

Charlotte - - - Suffer fate cos its all the lift you've got - - - says:

that was a bit amazing

Ellalala take this sinking boat and point it home says:

lol omg

Charlotte - - - Suffer fate cos its all the lift you've got - - - says:

i just did a proper belly laugh

ow

Ellalala take this sinking boat and point it home says:

hahahhaha!

i hope someone got to hear it

and think youre a psycho

Charlotte - - - Suffer fate cos its all the lift you've got - - - says:

maybe next door

the walls are quite thin and it was quite a cackle

Ellalala take this sinking boat and point it home says:

hahahaha oh good

Charlotte - - - Suffer fate cos its all the lift you've got - - - says:

i even did a squeaky laughing inhilation

which made it worse

Ellalala take this sinking boat and point it home says:

yay

omg though that was so special of us

i think it could be quote worthy

Today is a day for:

• Rediscovering old friendships
• Trying to listen more
• Recovering from sickness
• Believing in people who need it
• NOT BOASTING!
• Putting a bit more effort in
• yeah.... all that good stuff

Thinking inside the box...

....Because i am a failure (y)

We're all laughing, we're all faking, just to see you smile.

This is me, not sleeping again :/ My dads house is a tip, so i'll be cleaning all night. Who needs sleep anyway.

In 56 and a half hours, my life will officially be stress free (for all of 4 days :/) and i cannot wait. During those 4 wonderful days i am going to:

1. Download ridiculous and excessive amounts of new music
2. Watch the entrie first season of prison break (at least) and the second season of pushing daisies
3. SLEEP
4. Lay in the sunshine and read an entire book.
5. Not get up before 11
6. Generally be (more of) a lazy person

Until then, time for actually revising i think, though whether it turns out that way remains to be seen. So, time to start.

I have had one of the best days ever :) Sunshine really helps this. But actually its deeper than that, i had a good nights sleep despite drunken escapades last night, which doesnt happen very often. Then i had a really nice afternoon with alex with no fighting for once. Whoo! Though his friend fell over and burnt his hand on the BBQ cos he is an idiot, which cut my evening short :/ I dont even care that much though cos now i have lots of time tonight to do other fun things.

I think i like simple days the best. Ones where nothing dramatic at all happens, its just happiness the whole time.

I LOVE YOU

When being drunkards last night, laura and i thought it was very weird that we've all, especially myself, started saying 'love you' lots to eachother at random intervals where it isnt really necessary. She told me to write a post about it so i am.

It's weird.

Send Me Back, I'll Share The Trap You Have Me In.

So looks like im becoming a fan of these early morning posts :)
I'm quite lonesome. I was quite looking forward to having the house to myself for a whole week, but i think i forget that i dont actually like being alone. At all. Maybe that's why i cant sleep this time, i dont know. But it isnt nice not having anyone about, thats the conclusion im coming to.
Though doing your own food shopping is a fun experience :) First time only i imagine.

I just did a weird taking pictures of the sun rising thing. But then, i suppose i did say i had to be more creative. I bet my neighbours are pissed off though cos it was like half 4 in the morning and i was outside in the garden singing laura marling and taking pictures, but nevermind.
So i think i'd describe my current mood as pensive :/ But actually i just google defined it and it said 'brooding or seriously thoughtful', so maybe its not quite as heavy as that.


Anyhoo, i found this illustrator called caitlin shearer and i think she's a bit awesome, don't know if you guys will agree with me...

Its entirely possible that it's just me being weird :)

And go listen to Sheets by Damien Jurado

My life, my lover, my lady is the sea-eeeeeeee

I wrote a list a while back of 50 songs that 'changed my life' and i think i'm gonna edit it then post it. Because to me obviously, its a bit awesome. I doubt you peoples will agree with me, but everyone has different ones i guess :) And i think it kind of sums me up. So yeah, here goes, in no particular order....

1. Brandy (cover) - The Red Hot Chili Peppers
2. This Picture - Placebo
3. Set Phasers to Stun - Taking Back Sunday
4. Granite - Pendulum
5. Teeth the size of piano keys - Chiodos
6. Theyre NOT horses, theyre unicorns - Bayside
7. Where Have you Been?- Manchester Orchestra
8. Living la vida loca - Ricky Martin LOL
9. Zombie - The Cranberries
10. The Call - Regina Spektor
11. Charmer - Kings of Leon
12. The Bad Touch - Bloodhound gang
13. Mirrors - Envy on The Coast
14. Daughter of the sun - Matthew Santos
15. Jasey Rae - All Time Low
16. This City Is Contagious - The Cab
17. The Deaf Girls Song - Cloud Cult
18. Business Time - Flight of the conchords (although sugar lumps has to come close to overtaking :))
19. Calm a llama down - The mighty boosh
20. Almost Lover - A Fine Frenzy
21. Suggestion - Fugazi
22. Set Free - Katie Gray
23. Knocked Up - Kings of Leon
24. Roulette Dares (This is the Haunt) - The Mars Volta
25. Dead End - Master Shortie
26. Luv Addict - Family Force 5
27. Monster - Meg and Dia
28. Hell to Sell - The Audition
29. Am i Ever Gonna Find Out - Lifehouse
30. Colly Strings - Manchester Orchestra
31. I Was a Cage - Right Away, Great Captain!
32. Feeling Good - Muse
33. Three Wishes - The Pierces
34. Creator - Santogold
35. Who Am I - Will Young (and i'm not sorry :))
36. I didnt say i was powerful, I said i was a wizard - Chiodos
37. Courtship Dating - Crystal Castles
38. UFO - Sneaky Sound System
39. Floods - Fightstar
40. Gnomzxx - I Haunt Wizards
41. Natural Woman - Aretha Franklin
42. Starstrukk - 3OH!3
43. The Rat - Dead Confederate
44. Prescilla - Bat For Lashes
45. Blankets - Devil and The Lion
46. Saturday Night - Bon Jovi :/
47. Yellow - Cold Play
48. Megan (smoking popes cover) - Bayside
49. I wanna Dance With Somebody - Whitney Houston (winner (y))
50. Breaking the Habit - Linkin Park

My blog, i shall post what i please :) Sorry for boring you by being centimental.

room aspirations

I Lied i would also REALLY love my room to look like one of these, that would make me happy.....

And me, I ran, I couldn't even look at him, For fear I'd have to say goodbye

My dads going on holiday next week :) Yay!
This means that i get a house to myself for a whoooole week (Girls gathering round mine i feel?) and a not quite so shitty computer for all my interweb related needs.
The only things i need to be happy now is moneys because i just opened my purse and i literally have £1.71p to my name. Not to mention just becoming £1595 in debt to my father for the india payment he just paid.
Also to be more creative. Cos at the minute im a bit of a failure and its boring.
Oh, and sleep.

FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK. Iz gon fail physics nod.

It is currently 05:43 in the morning and i have not slept.
At all.
As i suspected i wouldn't.
I did use this usual sleeping time for good revision business. However, it just made me realise how little i know and that there is no way i'll be improving on that D. But nevermind.
I am hoping to avoid sleeping in my exam, again, by drinking muchos coffee although im not sure it will work.
I just realised i've done about 4 hours of revision and i have 6 hours of exams today.
That can't be good.
However, after today i have 10 days off exams :) which is a bit lovely. So i'll cling to that fact when i close the exam knowing i only definitely got 2 marks (y) winner.
Sorry :/ I'm in that weird sleepy-hyper mood
wish me luck :) i'll neeeeeeed it.

Now for the proper today post :)

Today I am an exceedingly happy child considering the ridiculous amount of physics revision i have to do tomorrow. This is due to 4 main things :)

• In theory, i may never have to do another geography exam ever again ever =D


• Ella being a very awesome summer music supplier and giving me all the summery things listed on HER latest post whoot.


• Me finding my own awesome summer music which is a bit freaking incredible :)


• Ella and I returning to our normal late night rambley selves after a slight blockage of the ramble flow.

(Thanks to some random guy called allan in Oaklands blog that i found) Go listen to the following musics:

• Brilliant Red Lights - Declaration of Purpose


• Margot and the nuclear so and so's - children's crusade on acid


• Pretty much anything by Tera Melos (its instrumental but quite awesome and LOUD)

LAMPS!

I thought these pictures are pretty much the most awesome thing ive seen in freaking ages....

So, when me and alex fought the other day, it was because i found out he was supposed to be taking some girl to prom. And i reacted really horribly and actually he did nothing wrong at all.
But in my defense, I really hate this girl, and he knows it. I dont really know what to do now though because he's mad at me for over reacting, which i completely understand and he isn't even going to prom anymore cos he couldnt get a ticket. So i have no idea how to make it right again because its not like i can say, 'okay go then, don't worry about me', because he cant go. It makes me feel horrible.

Is it weird that i feel jealous when he already chose me? I just hate the fact that i feel like someone he sneaks off to go and see. Argh.

Me and my brother hiking, me and my brother might find a turtle. Just have some fun.

I'm a very happy child. I was in a really bad mood earlier cos i had a massive argument with alex and everything was just a bit shit. But NOW i'm happy cos i'm going to see manchester orchestra again!!! YAY!!! But they best be better than last time or i'll be disappointed. Again.

Also, i had my first exam on thursday and it didnt go as awfully as i thought it would. So thats really good. I do however have 8 still to go, and i do have to do my citizenship exams . Which means i have 5 hours 45 minutes of exams in one day which is disgusting.

I love that new noisettes song you gave me laura so thanks :) But i cant get it out of my head.

Throw your judgements across the breeze, watch them float off and never be saved.

It's all grey outside :( which makes me very sad. so this somes up my current mood in many ways.

More than just the weather too. I wish it was summer two years ago when i had nothing to worry about at all. But at the same time that doesn't really work i guess, cos i want to still have you guys to spend it with. Just some simplicity would be nice.

Things i want most right now:

• Sunnnnn, and a fully even sun tan :)


• To not have to go back to school when exams are finished


• To be in India enjoying it, rather than worrying about it.


• A cheese and ham panini like i had at starbucks yesterday


• To wish Laura a happy birthday!! =D


• These shoes...

I wrote a poem :) Its really quite terrible, but i had an urge, so....

Some things have to go unsaid

To keep things sane

To Keep ME sane

But lines drawn, shouldn't be crossed, right?

People get too comfortable

Forget lines existed

When words said corrupt what you knew as truth

How do you get back to naivety

To a place where you trust the words of others

Love those who want your love

Because of the

Entirety

Of your trust

But Instead

You feel youself slipping

Back to that pathetic place inside youself

That holds your love back

For the select few

No newcomers allowed.

You sit back. covered up those sound that don't come from my lips

I'm in the weirdest mood ever.

I keep getting all randomly teary, which usually means somethings wrong

but i don't know what it is yet :/

Might be something to do with my mother telling me if i miss anymore school she's not gonna pay for any of it anymore. My travel, books etc.

Which tbh is perfectly fair cos im being a lazy fuck, however, its hard to stop once you get into the habit of not caring .

The last bit is what makes me doubt its this and that makes me feel bad.

But yeah, i watched a very good film yesterday, which ella has been telling me to watch for ages called : Lars and the real girl with Ryan Gosling (yum, though not so much in this) and it made me cry which imo is a good thing. But yeah if anyone other than the 3 people i know will read this, reads this, watch it cos it was amazing :)

Songs that don't help the teary mood but i still love atm :

La-di-da - Manchester Orchestra

Anyday - Ani DiFranco

Like Lions Do - Right Away! Great Captain

No Need to Argue - The Cranberries

Start with the things that define you.

My name is charlotte. This is my first ever blog so be patient.
There are a few main things you should know:

• I don't generally talk about myself, even to the people i would hope talk to me about themselves.
• I love the stories people tell through music, movies and books. More than the ones i make with my own life a lot of the time.
• I will try to always be very honest on this blog, though i will find that hard.

In all honesty, i don't know what kind of detail to go into or anything.

So for now, i'll just say, i like life just now. I love the friends i have and that i don't mind losing the ones im growing apart from. I like the fact i can talk to my sisters. I love the fact that i know my own mind and that few other people do. I do NOT like exams, but they will be out of the way soon. I love the fact that i'm finally looking forward to going to India. But mostly i love that i'm finally talking about myself (if a little confusingly, sorry :/)

But yeah, those are my current thoughts :)