The sound, What a cheap trick, What a habit.

I can't sleep.

I'm worrying about lots of things.

India in 5 days OMG, thats too scary to even think about.

It's entiely possible that i'm going to get kicked out of school, which isnt really surprising. But i dont want to have to worry about starting somewhere new with loads of people i dont know. I'm not very good at the whole meeting new people thing. Or at least i don't think i am. I havent had to do it since i started secondary school, so maybe i'm better than i think i am, but still.

I don't want to leave all my friends because i'm terrified that we'll grow apart and not speak much. I think that would make me the most sad out of anything i can think of in the world.

Christ i ramble lots when i'm scared :/ sorry.

My mother is SO angry at me, which again, is not surprising. I'm angry at me too.

I had a party friday night which was very fun. I had very fun times with cat, but when it was just us she was very sad, and i dont like it. But she did really well. (I'm saying this so you know it Cat, cos i was really proud of you, i dont like sounding like a mother so sorry if i do, but WHOO, you did good (y) cos i know it was really hard)

I hold an image of the ashtray girl, by the cigarette burns on my chest.

I know i should be more open on this thing.

It annoys me because that was the whole point of it in the first place, and now its just all pointless and cryptic and only i understand what the hell im talking about.

Tis silly.

So i shall just say the 5 overwhelming feelings i have right now are:

1. Anger at myself for being such a lazy fucktard.


2. Doubt about whether i did the right thing with alex :/ Though it comes in waves and i'm faaairly sure i did.


3. Excitement about MO and reading and 3OH!3


4. Shit scaredness about my exam results and India


5. Impatience about being 18...

See i was planning on ^ that being all heartfelt and shit. But its just another annoying list.

I dont like not being able to communicate well..

First post in freaking ages, wish i had something interesting to write.
But i don't. So instead i shall post a poem.
Which i apologise for ....


Gentle whispers to the wrong ears
Because the right don't want
To Hear it
To Hear
You mean little to them
Though they say you're the world
Insult or compliment
Who can really tell?

x